Have you ever set your sights so intensely on traveling to a distant destination that nothing would stop you from touching down in the imagined spot? Your mind became so ‘obsessed’ with thoughts of your excursion, that all you could think about is: “I have to get THERE no matter what.” You triumphantly arrive at the place that you’ve been dreaming about, only to realize that the dream destination was not a part of YOUR dream. You begin to realize that the seed that planted this compulsive need to get to THAT place, wasn’t planted from within…but was really someone else’s dream.
You adopted somebody else’s idea of what the ideal getaway would be, and frantically chased after it without pausing to consider whether this is a place for YOU.
I use this analogy to talk about Goal Setting and the thousands of people around the world who excitedly set goals, only to realize that something doesn’t jive as they arrive at their destination.
You could be almost certain that you must absolutely have:
* a huge house with a pool (like your neighbour)
* a corner office with with a painting of your choice (like your boss)
* lots of money (like that salesguy with perfect teeth)
I’ve been there myself. I allowed my environment to set my goals automatically. I genuinely believed that I wanted to be a VP of a huge financial corporation, because it was a logical progression – another step up the corporate ladder. I thought I was doing all the right things! I read voraciously about motivational theory, goal setting and personal development and carried with me a snazzy looking Franklin Covey organizer where my plans to take over the corporation were carefully documented.
More than one personal development book screamed out what I chose to ignore at the time: My goals were not really mine! They were a combination of my environment and my unwillingness to face the cold truth: My cushy, salaried position with a huge financial corporation was NOT me. Who WAS me?
I realized that in order to set meaningful goals – goals that you feel with your heart, mind and soul – you need to have an honest dialogue with your inner self and be prepared to listen…really listen. You might hear things you don’t like, but your inner voice (your conscience) never lies so be prepared to change.
Start today: grab a journal, skip out to your favorite coffee shop and let’s get started:
1. Am i truly passionate about the goals I’ve set? Do I have a BURNING desire to accomplish these goals?
If not, stop making goals that were “borrowed” from your neighbor or set in a discipline that isn’t your passion. Start making goals that reflect who you really are and what you should really be doing.
2. But…What am I my meant to do?
You’re not asking me, are you? There’s no such thing as a neat and packaged “meaning” handed out by the universe to each of us. YOU create your life’s meaning and for some of us, it takes a lifetime. But it is your responsibility to figure out how you will earn your oxygen. Start now: write down your life’s happiest moments, those times when you forgot to eat and couldn’t care less about sleep, those tasks that you enjoy completing effortlessly (as others struggle), those things you’ve always wanted to do, the places you’ve always wanted to visit, your favorite conversation topics, your role models…all those things and more lead you closer to answering the above question. And don’t limit yourself only to what’s possible…that’s a compromise to you and more importantly to all of us who share this universe.
Here’s one of my fav quotes: God’s gift to you is your talent…what you do with it is your gift to God.
3. Easy for you to say…I have a family to feed.
So what? Set 3 goals: Find my life’s passion. Pursue my life’s passion. Do it while I continue feeding my family. It’s never a question of “whether” if you want something bad enough: it’s a question of HOW. Here’s an example of a couple of folks who had plenty of reasons not to bother:
Helen Keller – Published 12 books and numerous articles. Oh yes…and she was deaf and blind.
Andrew Carnegie – from rags to building a huge empire to giving most of his cash away to noble causes.
4. What do I want people to say at my funeral? Who would be there?
Would your funeral be packed with fellow executives who said: “Christine was the greatest VP we knew…” Or would your funeral be full of friends and business associates who praised your courage and independence as a business owner? Perhaps you imagine a small group of the closest friends and family who are full of admiration for your commitment as a parent, sibling, grandparent and so on.
When I review my goals, my criteria is simple. Would I want to brag about this to my grandkids? This is why I left the bank, I couldn’t picture myself showing my kids’ kids what I accomplished as a banker. It wasn’t me. I figured out what was me, made plans to get there and with a bit of luck and plenty of hard work…I made the switch!
5. But I really want to be a VP of a bank. I’m sure these goals are really mine.
Good for you! As long as the dream of the corner office in the downtown skyscraper is truly yours…set that goal and make plans to achieve it.
If you set goals without asking yourself “Who Am I? What do I want?” and blissfully ignoring the guidance of your inner voice, you will go through life wondering why something is missing as you sit in the corner office and stare at your BMW parked outside.
